Once again my day turned into hell. I woke up and took the kids to school, got home around 7:30am, and immediately started working on the yard. I got it all raked up and cleaned out the storage shed that my husband has been promising to do for the last month. Then I hit the house and deep cleaned it. I mean total all at, rearrange the kitchen, and scrub the tile of a four bedroom house deep clean.
My husband got home around two and sat down on the couch to watch tv. I gave him over an hour to rest from work and then went out to the living room to nicely ask if he would help me.
"Do you want to help me please?"
"Later."
Those were the exact words. So I didn't bother to ask again. A Little bit later I make my way back into the kitchen. It is completely torn apart so I can wipe out cupboards and rearrange it.
"You know cheap pizza would be good tonight since the kitchen is a mess."
"Ok go get it."
"I am really busy. Would you go get it for us please?"
"I don't have any money."
"What happen to the 80 dollars you had this morning?"
"It's gone."
"Where did it go?"
"It's gone."
"Ok what happen to it?"
"I spent it."
"On what?"
"Stuff."
"Ok what stuff?"
"Stuff."
I go on to tell him how we are suppose to be building up communication in our relationship and he won't even talk to me about what he spent money on. So I ask him if he would take some money from my purse and go get some cheap pizza. He said no cause he didn't feel like pizza. I asked him if he would do it to me nice to me and he said no. I told him how I would like if occasionally he did something nice for me without me having to beg. "Why?" was his answer.
Now remind you I am extremely pms ing right now, so I started to cry. Some more time passes and he is getting ready for his evening job. I pointed out that I moved my bed back into the room. I even completely made it where it would be easy for us to snuggle at night. A little random act of kindness because I knew how upset he has been that I have been sleeping in the living room. I was proud of myself for doing that and told him how excited I was to lay down and cuddle with him tonight.
So I stay up and wait for him to come home from work. He gets off at 10:10. 11:30 falls around and I call him, no answer. This time I wasn't worried. I knew he had decided to not come home. I go to sleep and wake back up at one. Still no husband and still no answer. Now it is 5 am and I am awake and can't go back to sleep. He is passed out in bed. I have no clue what time he even bothered to come home.
Can't he be respectful enough to give me a call or txt mesg to let me know he was going out. Especially after he knew how excited I was to have him come home after work. Or even at least answer the phone.
I hate the man and I love him. But everyday he keeps pushing me further and further away. I can't wait to leave him. I have already started the plan to where I will be able to support three kids on my own without him. sometimes I wish I could tell him the plan so he knew how serious I was. I want to tell him because he sits there so smug thinking I could never provide for myself and no one wants me. I want to rub it in his face that soon I will be able to. I just wish it was sooner rather than later.
I kind of also wish I had some guy that was interested in me. Make my husband jealous and show him that I am a worth wild person. Plus it would be really nice having the right attention come from a guy. Plus the fact that I am so sex deprived. It would do me wonders to have one good screw. A night to just let go and fell like a real woman.
So for now I will just wait. I will keep working on my plan and someday I won't have t worry about being sad and crying all the time. Sometimes I wish I could make my plan just go a little faster. But if I am patient; I won't have to go running back to him. And I will finally have the life I deserve.
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